So don't usually oust my shit unless its caught in my mind traps but i need to air the dirty laundry today. was going to do it anonymously but it wont let me log in for whatever reason.
havent been on here in ages and everytime i think or say i'll be back on to post some shit happens and I'm off again. it pisses me off all the frigging time. but thats not my grievance today. this will probably get confusing as i try to keep all persons names out of it but the main thing is I just need to write.
So a mate broke up with her fella who in no uncertain terms is a complete douchebag, to the point of her ousting him for DV, domestic violence for all those playing at home. what makes it worse is there is a child in the picture. Her's not his but still a child caught right in the middle of a war she should not be a party to.
So they break up over something silly - her taking his card to by groceries so they have food on the frigging table and he claims shes stolen from him baring in mind they were together 4 plus years at that time. They fight, he chokes her and the kid is scared senseless by his anger. She almost kills herself and end up in emergency while a bunch of rouging keyboard warriors
She ends up moving out and is now living about 2mins drive from my place with her daughters father who is nothing short of absolutely useless. Its not his fault i guess he hasn't been a full on father since the daughter was little and he doesn't know how to deal with the issues going on now and hasn't sought support.
this weekend I drove over to her as an emergency call in when she put some pretty worrisome comments on facebook. when i got there she was drunk and barely able to hold her shit together, and she was arguing with the daughters father. he locked himself in his room and refused to look after the daughter so I left with her and her daughter in my car. She was drinking rum straight from the bottle and after ten minutes of talking she passed out. There are no words to describe the horror I felt listening to her daughter trying to talk to her when she was slumped beside me. I managed to get the bottle from her and dispose of it but obviously damage was well into being done. She had mentioned wanting to go to the ex's place to get some books of hers and so after trying to persuade her to allow someone else to go in and getting no's as answers I made the decision to head to a mates place, get his help and drive to the ex's.
your probably thinking 'WTF! why even go there?!!!' which is what i did for the next twenty minutes in the car while filling the friend in who was helping me and trying to entertain the daughter while her mother sat slumped in the passenger seat. I figured one of us would stay with them and the other would walk over to the house, pick up the books and we would leave because in the long run she would turn up at his place, all hell would break loose and that wouldn't end well at all.
So that exactly what we did, I drove to the street where the ex lived but parked on the opposite side of the road half a street away, softly opening and closing the door while my mate entertained the girl and her mother (thankgod) slept where we had left her. I was nervous as all hell but I simply knocked, confronted the ex and asked him for the books. he doesn't know me well so I think he was a little thrown off which worked well in my favour. I got the books, got back in the car and made it half a suburb away as she woke up. We stopped at a macdonalds and bought the daughter a strawberry sundae, perhaps out of guilt for having watched her be subjected to such an awful ordeal watching her mother turn to alcohol in such a disastrous manner.
We got them home and I had to drive my helpful friend home so I tried to organise for another friend to come round. easy? not at all, since the only one was some guy who had to wait for a lift and was going to come over only to drink with her. WTF is wrong with people!? my mate had dug into nachos until the father appeared and the two began to argue once more. It was awkward to say the least. My helpful friend (who was also dealing with his client who he lives with as a carer) and I ended up standing outside to escape the chaos, the daughter occupied herself thankfully before our friend decided she could go and talk to a friend. Solution? well not exactly.
The daughter argued with her, wanting to go though she somehow talked her into staying with the father. The father sat down saying he had enough and he couldn't do it anymore. I ended up with the friend claiming she was going and sitting in my car. What could i do? At this point I had exhausted myself trying to drill it into this woman that she needed to go to professional help rather then this friend. She was argumentative and drunk which wasn't a good combination. I still think while it helped her in the end my solution to drive her to the friends place wasn't the best idea. The guy is a mutual friend of my mate and her ex, who is currently not speaking to the ex because of a falling out. The father who my mate is staying with argued with her because he is convinced she would either walk to the ex's place to confront him or the ex would turn up at the other place where she was going. he claimed he was giving her the tough love though as I was speaking to him I couldn't ignore the fact that there are numerous bottles of alcohol (full and empty) and casks of wine in plain sight. helping and tough love my ass.
I ended up dropping her to the mates place and i left after speaking candidly to her. I told her no matter what i said or did would help her, nor would it coming from anyone else because at the end of the day the only person who can solve this whole issue is her. She needs to reach out and accept the help. This morning i've given her a list of numbers and emergency lifelines, strongly suggesting she contact for a withdrawal support system, her GP for mental health and the suicide hotline if she cant trust herself.
I feel guilty because while I'm trying to help I can't stop her, I don't know if its just enabling her to spiral even more but most of all I feel guilty because I cant make things better for her daughter. her mother is so unwell.
I was exhausted by the time i got home, i can only imagine the kind of exhaustion the people around her are feeling, not to mention the kinds of thoughts in her daughters mind, its excruciating watching it spiral out of control and not being able to make things better. I hate that people on her facebook and so called friends only enable her by taking her and drinking with her when she is so dependant on alcohol now that she can't go without it to 'cope' (which i know isn't coping period).
Im angry and im sad and i feel useless.
